![]() Since I was tall (six foot two), I was expected to be thin and model-esque. ![]() Presenting female placed me under the microscope in ways I never knew were imaginable. What would it be like to cease fire and embrace my body as ethereal-rather than as an enemy?Īfter my transition in 2004, the pressure intensified. If I wasn’t able to count on the medical establishment for anything else, I could always count on its gatekeepers to legitimize my internalized fatphobia. Talking points of the sort were often used to curmudgeonly chastise me over why my fatness was unacceptable and ultimately my fault. I was merely regurgitating the pseudoscientific professional opinions I’d been told over the years. My statement didn’t reflect sincere sentiment. With the utmost compassion, he educated me on the fallacy of my declaration, explaining that genetic predispositions to illness are often triggered by obesity and that there are options available to avert risk. “Please be kinder to yourself,” he implored, drawing me from my disassociated daze. Instead, my eyes scanned the colorful “Smart Dimensions Weight Loss” literature along the eggshell-toned walls of his office. I couldn’t look him in the eyes without feeling like a failure. He was the first bariatric surgeon I’d consulted after the faulty gastric bypass I had four years prior. “I refuse to accept genetics as an excuse for my weight,” I assured Dr.
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